Just Four and a Half More Weeks!!!

It is so hard to believe that in just 4 1/2 weeks I will be married to my best friend and the man of my dreams!!! It is my last week at work and then I will be jumping head first into the last minute preparation for the big day!!! Thankfully I don't have that much stuff to prepare! The majority of it is already finished! Yay!!! All I have to do is put the last minute adjustments on the music and get everything squared away with the program and the rehearsal schedule!! It'll be here before I know it! This will most likely be my last post before I become the new Mrs. Matthews!!! Wow!!! Anyway...I will be sure to post the link to our pictures asap!! Well, here I go into the last weeks of being a single woman!!!

Joy

Things are going wonderfully! I was at Bible Conference last week and learned alot. I miss hearing that kind of preaching every day! It was also so very wonderful getting to see Drew again! It had been more than 2 months since we had seen each other. I stayed with Renee in her room. It was fun! I got to see all my friends again. I miss it there so much! I just don't miss the school work!
Well, there are only 2 more months till the wedding! Things are getting exciting! I love watching how everything just happens to work out just right! I have my next fitting on the 6th of April, and then my next shower on the 14th of April! Lots going on!!
The only point of sadness is that I am really missing mom this month. I have been thinking of her constantly and so many memories have been coming back to me. I wish she were here so badly! There are times I absolutely just ache for her to be able to pull me into her arms again and hug me close and stroke my hair like she would when I was younger. She always knew how to make everything better.
I sat in dad's room watching family videos all evening. Mom was such a beautiful woman both inwardly and outwardly! The way I like to think of it is that God knew how special mom was and couldn't stand to be apart from her so he took her home earlier than normal. I guess that the hardest part is not knowing why.
Anyway....this post is titled "Joy." Right now dad is in Michigan visiting his girlfriend, Kathy. She is such a wonderful woman. Very sweet and caring and she loves the Lord. I am so glad that dad has found his smile again!
The biggest lesson that I have learned in the last year is that God may bring very hard times into our lives, but he promises to never leave us nor forsake us and he will bring us joy in the midst of sorrow. This last year was a roller coaster ride of emotions. But without the joy that God brought into our lives we wouldn have never gotten past the sorrow. No matter how hard things might get in life, God is always there always willing to help us and give us the strength to get through the roughest storms and show us the joy that he has waiting for us on the other side. I have found Joy.

I Get To See My Almost Hubby!!!!

I am so excited!!! On Tuesday night at 8pm I will hop on the train and head to Greenville to see my wonderful almost husband!! I can't wait!! Less than 48 hours to go till I am on the train!!! It will be so wonderful to see him again! I haven't seen him since January 10th!!! That was way too long ago!!! It is Bible Conference week this week! I am so excited! I love Bible Conference week!! You learn so much and it is so neat hearing from such a neat variety of speakers!!!
Please be praying for Drew, he is currently in Barge....(the campus "hospital") and he is very sick!! Fever, coughing up stuff, miserable.....pray that he gets better before I get there on Wednesday!

Wedding Bells...

Wow! I can't believe that in less than 3 short months I am going to be married to the most wonderful man in all the world!!! This Saturday begins the craziness of the last days until the wedding. I have my first shower on Saturday. I am so excited!!! I am also sending out my invitations next week! Then 2 weeks from this Wednesday I am going down to visit my almost hubby!!! Bible Conference is in 2 weeks and I am going to be down there for the last half of Bible Conference week!!! I just can't wait to see Drew again! I haven't seen him since January! When I fianlly do see him it'll have been over 2 months!!! When I get back from BJU dad is going to Michigan to visit his girlfriend, Kathy for a week. On April 6th I have my second dress fitting. On April 14th I have my second wedding shower that my church is throwing me. The week of April 22nd through the 29th, Kathy is coming to visit for the week! I can't wait to finally meet her!!! Then The first weekend in May is Drews graduation!!! After graduation he is coming up here and we are packing up all my stuff and loading it into his truck and also taking care of the marriage license and then he is taking my stuff to his house in Alabama!!! Then 3 weeks later......We get married!!!!!! I can't wait!!! I am really hoping that the next 2 1/2 months flies by really quickly! There is so much to do and so many things to look forward to during those months.....I just can't wait to finally be Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Michael Matthews!!!

Interesting New Happenings....

The scoop:
Recently I found out from my sister that my dad had a lady friend who he would talk to on the phone once in a while. When I found out I asked dad about it and he turned red and got the goofiest grin on his face! It was so funny! So, I enquired about this lady and found out her name is Kathy. A week ago dad left for Florida to go visit my grandparents. What dad did not tell me until he was there was that he was meeting Kathy in Florida! Well, as the week went on we heard more and more about this mystery lady! By Wednesday I could tell from dad's conversation on the phone that things were getting pretty serious! Dad shared a bit with me about his "date day" (as he called it) that he had on Wednesday...which was also Valentine's Day! He took her shopping in West Palm and then they went to a nice restaurant for dinner and ended the evening walking hand in hand on the beach at sunset! Yup....thats when I knew something was brewing! As the week came to a close I got to talk to Kathy briefly on the phone and was surprised to hear a very sweet and pleasant voice. We had a very nice conversation. I knew after that that I wanted to get to know this special lady!
Everytime I asked dad for details about his time with Kathy and their relationship he wouldn't share....I wanted juice! Not for any particular reason other than I was curious and I was beginning to think they were really cute!
On Sunday I decided to give her a call and talk to her again. She was home in Michigan then. So, I got her number from dad and we had such a wonderful conversation again! She was so happy to know that I wanted to become friends! She shared alot with me about dad. The short version: she is totally smitten by my dad! She even told me that dad was calling her his girlfriend! It was so funny hearing someone tell me that my dad makes them laugh like no body else, and is so romantic! I must admit...it is rather odd! lol!
I have been asked by a few people how I feel about this new turn of events. I am so happy to see my dad happy again! He has his "glow" back! He smiles more and laughs more. It is so great to see that side of him again! So, because of dad's happiness, I am totally and completely ok with this! Another thing, after my conversation yesterday with Kathy, I became even more ok. And the more I get to know her the more I like her. Something in the back of my mind is telling me that she is going to be in the picture a while. I am actually looking forward to that! She is planning on coming here to visit for a week in April for dad's birthday. I can't wait to meet her! She will never/can never replace mom. I know this. But she can fill that empty void that is present in dad's life. Not necessarily the same way, but in her own special way.
This is a good thing!

Happy 50th Birthday, Mom!!!!!!!!

Today would have been my mom's 50th birthday! That is so hard to believe! I have had a few moments today where I got a little weepy, but it was usually when I got to thinking about how much I wish she could be here to celebrate. We are going out for dinner this afternoon to mom's favorite restaurant, Maggiano's. And we are getting tiramisu for dessert because that was her favorite and whenever we would go to Maggiano's she would have to get her tiramisu! It is hard to believe that she has been gone 7 months already. She is greatly missed! It still hurts to think that I won't get to see her again in this life, but God has given me the strength to keep going and he has added so much joy since mom left this world. I will never stop loving the amazing woman who had such an impact on my life and who has helped to mold me into who I am today. Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you so much!

What's On My Mind....

Here it is....the year 2007. The year that I marry the man of my dreams. Kinda hard to believe that I am actually at this stage in my life. I am about to experience alot of changes. Am I ready?? I think so. Currently nothing in my life has much permanence. My job is temporary, my living status is temporary, even my last name is temporary. I am ready to settle. I still have so much to learn, though. It seems that each day God brings something new into my life to help me. Today's "something" was that He will take care of me. While filling my car with gas I "just happened" to glance down and there was a 10 dollar bill at my feet. My first thought was "who dropped it?" and "I need to get it back to its owner"...but there was no one around. So, I saw it as a God thing and thanked Him for taking care of me.
But that isn't all I am learning. I have the hardest time with trust. I have a very hard time trusting God. This, when I think about it, seems so funny. Here I am, one of God's creations and I have a hard time trusting the One who created me and allows me to take my next breath! But it is so much harder than that. I find that I can be so selfish! I try to take my life in MY own hands. I try to do things in MY own power. I try to handle situations in MY own strength....for what??? Nothing. I get nowhere. Why can't we just trust God? Why can't we just rely on Him for everything? Why is it so hard? Ok, I know the answer. We are selfish, rebellious creatures. Makes ya feel real warm and fuzzy inside...huh?? No, it should make you feel pretty much like dirt. I know thats how I feel.
I have been thinking alot about mom lately. Mom is in heaven. God is so much more of a reality for her than it is for us. Sometimes I wish that I could see what mom is seeing right now....ok, make that an all the time thing. I also wonder how much different mom would be if she were to come back to earth after experiencing what heaven and God are really like. It must be amazing! One night while I was staying at Drews house I had a horrible dream. In my dream, mom was still alive. And alot of the dream was from past memories. It was one of those dreams that seems real. Then, mom died in my dream. I was so devestated. I was crying in my dream and trying to find her. When I woke up I sat straight up in bed and my first thought was that I was so thankful it was just a dream, then I realized mom really was gone. I ran straight up to Drews room in tears. Drew was there the day after mom died and was there for those days after up through the funeral. He understands to some extent what happened in my life the day mom died. Well, something he told me that morning, while he let me use his shoulder (again) to cry on, was something he has told me several times when I get to missing mom....he told me that if mom was given the choice to leave heaven and come back to earth she wouldn't take it. She would rather be in heaven and actually would rather WE come to where she is so that we can see how wonderful and beautiful heaven is. Anyhoo....I am not sure why I just shared all that and actually got off on a rabbit trail (as I normally do)! But anyway...what I was saying is that God is trying to teach me to not be so selfish. I am about to be united as one with a wonderful and godly man who I love dearly. I cannot be selfish in anyway when it comes to our marriage. And I need to trust Drew and submit to his leading in EVERY way! I love the picture that is seen in the marriage relationship and how it mirrors our relationship with our mighty God. Before I marry Drew, I need to be able to trust God with everything. I know there will still be times that I fail in this area even after i am married, but it is something that God is strengthing in me. And he is showing me little ways everyday that I don't trust him and need to. So, to make a long post short, my goal is to trust God with all my heart, soul, and mind and to love him and submit to him every moment of everyday for the rest of my life. Is it harder than it sounds. YES! Can I accomplish this goal in my own strength??? NO! I need to trust God to give me the strength to achieve this desired goal. Thats trust. But, then, how can we not trust the one who created us and gave us everything that we have right now? Its that simple. Yet, it is a lesson that could take years to learn.

Congratulations Jen!!!

My sister Jen and her new husband Jeff were married last Saturday december 16th! The wedding was gorgeous! Jen was stunning! I got all teared up! The ceremony began with a video slide show of them growing up. I started to get teary through that just remembering all the memories we have growing up. There were also pictures of mom. It was really sweet. Then the wedding party entered. When Jen finally came down the aisle with dad she was glowing! She looked absolutely gorgeous! Her make-up and hair were flawless and her dress was beautiful! But it was her eyes that shined the most! It was a very sweet ceremony and then we went over to this really pretty white mansion dating back at least 100 years for the reception. It was very pretty! Everyone had a nice time and the food was great! If you would like to see pictures from the wedding you can go to www.albums.proshots.com/sonshinepictures the event is Badal2 and the password is Ezzell2. Congrats Jen and Jeff!!!! I love you both!!!

Holiday Happenings...

Wow! I can't believe that Christmas is just around the corner! Things are getting crazy at my house! My sister, Jen, is getting married in just a little over a week. Her fiance is working on getting the small basement apartment ready for them here at my house. Drew will be back up here for the wedding. He gets here a week from friday! Yay!!! I am so excited! Please pray for him, he has alot to do before finals.
We had our engagement pictures done the friday after thanksgiving! They turned out great! If you would like to see them you can go to www.albums.proshots.com/sonshinepictures the event name is Badal and the password is Matthew. Just be sure to capitalize the "M" in Matthew!
On the 30th of December I have the wonderful priviledge of travelling down to Decatur Alabama!!! I am staying for 12 days!! It'll be a really nice time and it'll be great to see Drews family again! And get to go to his church again! I love the people down there and I absolutely love his church! Plus, Drew will be there so it'll be even better! lol! And in less than 6 months is the wedding! Things are coming along great! I was talking to Amanda who is my maid of honor the other day....she is so wonderful! She thinks of things that I would have never thought of! But she was asking me stuff the other day and she couldn't believe how on top of things I am! lol!
It is neat when I finally just get to sit back and see how life is going especially with all the changes being made in our family and the different things that are going on how awesome God is. Yeah, we had to face probably the hardest thing ever this past summer when mom passed away, but God promised to never leave us nor forsake us even in the hardest times and he has brought so much joy in the place of sadness. That reality really amazes me! What an awesome God we serve!

Yup, We are country folk!

Sunday morning dawned like any other day. We had big plans to meet up in DC with my mom's best friend and her family who we hadn't seen in over 8 years. I had just woken up and was attempting to down a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats when all of a sudden my cat comes running out of nowhere chasing something up onto our couch in the living room and about climbing the book shelves. I am thinking dad has been feeding her way to much of the Friskies and continue eating when all of a sudden I hear the oddest of noises. It was a familiar noise, but not one I normally hear in my house. I was trying to figure out where I had heard that particular noise and then I vaguely remembered hearing a similar noise from a tree above my head a few times around campus at BJU. A sound that could only be made by a squirrel. Being the curious person that I tend to normally be I debated whether to go over to where my cat was going nuts or just watch what was taking place from my seat at the very high up stool in the kitchen. Curiosity ended up getting the best of me and I walked over to the couch where my cat was sitting wide eyed and bushy tailed all the while reminding myself that squirrels can carry rabies. So, as gingerly as I new how I kicked the couch leg and it was as if the thing went nuts under there! I ran upstairs to where my dad was screaming because reality had just hit that there was a real live squirrel in our house and it could have rabies and it was mad. Well, dad comes running down the stairs not exactly believing me and goes over to the couch and kicks it like I just had and the stupid squirrel decided to shut up! So, dad is thinking I'm crazy and goes back upstairs. I decide that maybe the thing is just stuck in the floor vent somewhere and not really loose like I originally thought and go back upstairs to get ready. About 30 minutes later I come back downstairs and there is my cat sitting on the back of the couch looking down at something behind the couch. Once again I got very curious and walked over to the couch and peeked over the edge and looked behind it. Let me tell you before I continue that we have a big brown de-humidifier behind our couch. Well, there I am peering over the edge of the couch when all of a sudden I see something gray move under the de-humidifier and make that awful squirrel sound. I jumped back as fast as I could still thinking about rabies and ran screaming up to my dad telling him that I saw the squirrel and even knew its location in the house. My dad comes out of his bedroom and I bust up laughing. He is carrying a wooden beam as a club and his bb gun pistol. All of a sudden I am afraid for this poor little squirrel who somehow got itself mixed up in our big world. Well, my dad comes storming downstairs and my sister Kate goes and wakes up my sisters fiance who lives in my basement and so Jeff (my sisters fiance) comes upstairs and dad tells him to lift the de-humidifier while he shoots the squirrel. The poor thing didn't even see it coming. All of a sudden there is dad shooting his heart out and then this gray bloody thing comes running from behind the couch and finds the corner of the room. The poor thing his face was all bloody where dad had shot 3 bb's in his head. Yet he was still alive! There was blood everywhere! So, dad had him cornered and was determined to finish the little guy off and shot him again in the head point blank. That did nothing....the little squirrel ran straight into the living room and onto the carpet! Finally, we opened the front door and shooed him out! He sat on the stoop for what seemed like forever before he got enough energy to scamper off. When the squirrel was gone we surveyed the damage to the living room and dining room and because dad was the one who had actually made the mess he was the one who had clean-up duty. With the excitement over me and my sisters and Jeff proceeded to get ready for the day. About 5 minutes later dad hollers from the living room that he had found the squirrels eye ball on the carpet under the dining room table. And then he proceeded to show it to each of us. The whole rest of the day we continued to laugh at such a silly event and felt sorry for that poor squirrel who just ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. We found out 2 things that morning. One being that dad can't kill things up close because just a week or two earlier he shot a squirrel out of a tree and killed it from his bathroom window, and second being that our dog is not a squirrel hunter but just a squirrel chaser. She found more joy of chasing it in circles than in actually catching it. What a morning!!!

Whats New....

It has definitely been a while since I last posted. Things have been absolutely crazy! The other day I realized that mom has been gona for almost 4 months already! That is very hard to believe. Jen is getting married in less than 2 months. And Kate has started working with me at the coffee shop! The holidays are around the corner and there is still lots to do! It is going to be a very busy next 2 months! I have pretty much been keeping busy with work and now kickboxing classes Monday and Friday evenings and Thursday mornings. My clothes are already starting to fit very loose on me! The sweat pants that I bought for kickboxing are now way too big and I end up having to try to keep them from falling off! I am going to have to get a new pair before the next class! I am so excited about the holidays because I will be able to see Drew more! I miss him so much! This semester thas been rough on him. He has had so much to do! Pray for him if you would. It is the busiest semester ever for him and he is feeling the pressure. Other than that things are pretty much in somewhat of a state of normal. There are only 7 more months to go before our wedding and still alot to do to prepare. Thankfully time is flying relatively quickly seeing as i have been engaged for 2 and a half months already! The wedding will be here before we know it! Until then I am just keeping busy and counting down the days! There are currently 213 more days till we get married! I am already very excited and cannot wait for the big day!

A Big Blessing!!!

Last Friday a dear sweet lady from my church took me out for the day and we went wedding dress shopping. Back before my mom passed away she appointed this lady to help me. She is really sweet, she was always like a grandma to me, so Friday was a blast! I did find my dress, too! And I found my bridesmaid dresses. Then, she decided we would go to Micheals and see if we could get some ideas for favors and such. Well, she ended up buying my invitations, my flower girl basket, my bubble wands for after the reception, and my veil! So, Friday turned out to be a very productive wedding planning day!
Also, on Friday I am leaving to go visit Drew! I am so excited! It seems like forever since we were together! I miss him soooo much!
Other than that...things are pretty crazy around here.

The Busy Life of Jess

Hi ya'll!!! Well, here I am again! Things are pretty insane on my end of things! Planning my wedding, working 9 hours a day, going to kickboxing classes, staying busy in church, and still having time to come home and breathe! lol! It is absolutely crazy, but I wouldn't want it any other way! There are only 250 more days to go before I get married! Anything to make those days go by quicker is alright with me! We have revival at our church this week and my pastors brother is the one preaching. He is really good! On Thursday I am going over a lady in my church's house with the other girls my age for a girls night!!! That will be loads of fun! Then on Friday I am going with a very sweet lady in my church to try to find my wedding dress. It is looking to be more of a challenge than I thought to find the right one. I thought I found the right one before, but it just wasn't quite what I was looking for, very close though!
The most exciting news is that in 2 weeks, on September 29th I am going down to see my fiance!!!! I can't wait! I miss Drew sooo much! That is what I am really looking forward to right now!!! It has been a month since we were together....much too long for me! One thing that I am really looking forward to about being married to Drew is getting to be with him and not having to say good-bye. Me and drew have had a long distance relationship since January and we are both not liking it (obviously!). It is hard, but it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder!!!

What's New

Wow, didn't see this one coming....I was with dad on Saturday at the country club putting a deposit down for the reception when all of a sudden dad asks if they have anything open on the 9th of December of this year. Instantly my mind begins reeling....Does he want us to get married sooner? Is dad getting married?? What's going on!? So, I ask him and he bluntly tells me that Jen and Jeff are getting married in December. I was shocked! They weren't planning on getting married until August of next year! So, I begin my usual inquiring and find out that Jeff is enlisting in the army and he is going off to boot camp in January. I am not thrilled with this idea because I know Jen would be heart-broken if he had to go over seas. So, now things are more insane than ever with Jen trying to plan a wedding almost from scratch in 3 months. Now I must admit that a part of me was kinda hurt by this....but that is not the kind of attitude I am supposed to be having....I am supposed to be happy for her. This is a lot harder than it sounds. I feel like she is raining on my parade so to speak. So, anyway....just another bump in the road of life and I have to keep believing that God is in control and to just keep trusting Him with everything.....I am just hoping the next 3 months goes by very quickly.

Our Engagement!!

Here is a picture of Drew and me at the waterfalls! He is in the middle of proposing!!!
You can tell that he is nervous!!

The Planning Has Begun!

Well, here I am. It has been 2 weeks since I got engaged. I found my wedding dress this week as well as a photographer. I also found where I am going to get my bridesmaid dresses and tuxes from.
I am so excited! There are only 267 days to go before I get married! That is 9 more months. Only 8 more months and 25 days to be exact!!!! I have already reserved the day at the country club and my pastor has the day saved on his calander! The wedding is going to be the 26th of May 2007 at 11am and the reception is going to be at following right after at the country club. The reception is an invitation only thing. That way anyone can come to the ceremony, but the reception will be quieter and more intimate with just family and real close friends. It'll be nice!!! I just wish time would go by faster!!! lol!

A Water Fall and a Surprise!

Well, I just got home from my 2 week vacation! I spent a week in Alabama where I had a lovely time with Drew and his family. I got to spend alot of time with Drew and grew to love him even more! We went to Six Flags, I got to go horse-back riding, we rode on his dad's motorcyle and roadster, helped out with his church's youth ralley, and got to hang out and talk alot! It was a blast!!!

This past week I was at the Wilds and Drew and his family were there too. We had a great time! The highlight came on Wednesday. We went on the hike to 4th Falls. It is the biggest and hardest hike on the property. Going down was the easy part. It was almost straight down. Coming back was the hard part because it was straight back up! lol! Well, when we got to the falls it was breath-taking! I had never been down there before and so I saw the falls for the first time unlike Drew who had seen them several times.

Well, Drews whole family came on the hike along with my dad. I was nasty hot and sweaty by the time we got down there and couldn't wait to get in the water. Drew began acting funny and said he just wanted to go stand on top of the big rock that looked over the huge water hole for a little bit and cool off. I found this rather odd since the water is ice cold! Well, we got on top of the big rock and everyone who is there can see us. Drew was real quiet for a couple minutes and then he says, "Isn't this place so romantic?" By now I am thinking he has really lost it. Drew never makes comments like that. Usually that is what I usually say! So, I just shrugged it off thinking the heat was getting to himand replied with a very truthful "Yes, it definitely is." A few more seconds go by and then Drew says, "What would you think if I proposed to you here next summer?" I look up at him with a start and say "No! I don't want to wait another year!" By now I am really thinking he has gone cookoo! He then replies, "Ok, well, then how about I propose to you right now?!" It then dawns on me that my boyfriend is a total stinker and that he is very serious because he then proceeds to kneel before me and presents the most beautiful ring to me and asks me to be his wife!!!!!!!!!!! Like I think I lost all functions for a few seconds. I think part of me was in shock and couldn't believe he was proposing while the other part of me was trying to register everything. I remember saying yes and I remember him taking me into his strong arms and hugging me and people cheering and clapping, but that is about it! I was instantly transformed into a giddy giggly mess!!!

The rest of the week flew by too quickly. I think just about everyone at the camp congratulated us and the head program guy announced to the whole camp that night at dinner that we had gotten engaged. I had little girls come up to me asking if I was the girl who got engaged at the waterfall and if they could see my ring. The speaker asked me to hold up my hand during one of the services and show everyone my ring as one of his sermon examples. I honestly felt a bit like a celebrity! lol! I even had some ladies come up to me asking to see my ring because they had seen me around camp and had glanced at my hand and they were all saying how big and pretty it is!

I can't believe I am engaged!!

The ring is a 3/4 karat solitaire with a wrap of rudy begets and channel set diamonds! Put together it is absolutely stunning!

I have alot of planning to do now and research and stuff! It is going to be a busy next 9 months! We are planning on getting married on May 26th 2007! It'll be here before we know it! Yay!!!! I am so happy! I still can hardly believe it!

Today is the day.....

....I get to finally leave for Alabama! At 8pm my train leaves and is scheduled to arrive in Alabama tomorrow a little before 12pm. Hopefully everything will be running on time!!! Tomorrow I will finally get to see the love of my life!!!!!! YAY!! Just a few more hours!!!!

If you don't count today.....

....there are only 2 days left before I see Drew again!!!!! I am just slightly excited. Yeah, only slightly.....YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just 2 more days!!!!!

Another poem....

This poem was sent to me by my friend Renee.

The Wait Poem

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...

and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate

hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.

Or even a 'no', to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

as my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...

and he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still WAIT".